If your relationship were a romantic drama, it might go something like this: The ideal first date would involve you locking eyes and sensing from the very first “hello” that they are The One. Cut to a montage of couples walking hand in hand in the evening while holding hands, baking together, and perhaps taking a tandem bike trip or two. Nobody is surprised that relationships in real life tend to develop a little less dramatically than in movies.

It can be challenging to navigate the early stages of a relationship, but it also determines if your romance will last. Here are seven critical points of relationship advice for new relationships to help you get off to a good start (and decide if it’s even worth sticking with).

1. Pay attention to the present and not the past

Being afraid and having bad experiences in a new relationship is normal; after all, it’s a survival tactic to keep from having your heart shattered again. Old anxieties and doubts can shield you from heartache and keep you from being completely content in a new relationship. Don’t mistrust your new partner because of how your ex-partner treated you, for instance, if they were unfaithful. Pay attention to the unique qualities that set your new partner apart. You should trust someone if they are reliable enough to date.

The “dating history” discussion will eventually be crucial, but don’t jump right into it. Get to know your date’s likes, dislikes, dreams, and personality qualities throughout your first few dates while they get to know yours. Before you know the names of their siblings and where they grew up, you don’t need to ask them about their dating history or explain what went wrong in your last relationship during the first date. 

2. Discuss the future at an early stage

Even if you shouldn’t dwell on the past, you should consider the future. However, if marriage is a non-negotiable for you, you don’t want to wait until after a year of dating to find out that they don’t want to get married. Of course, you don’t need to (and definitely shouldn’t) ask how many kids they want before the salad course is served on date #1. Talking about your life goals, religion, marriage, politics, etc., is only sometimes enjoyable. Still, you should naturally bring up your deal-breakers to ensure you’re at least on the same page as soon as you envision a future together.

Communicate your preferences, whether you’re seeking a casual fling or a long-term relationship.

3. Ensure that the person, not the idea of a relationship, is what you are drawn to.

Dating fatigue is real, and sometimes we want a relationship so strongly that we don’t even recognise we’re more drawn to the idea of a relationship than the person we’re with. If you’re so focused on finding Happily Ever After, you risk forcing a spark or putting other people into boxes they don’t belong in (or don’t want to be in). Because your mind has already convinced you that this must work, you ignore flaws or warning signs.

Instead, accept your partner as is. Count on them not being The One. Would you still want to spend your time with them? You’re probably attracted to someone, not simply for a relationship, if you like their company so much that you’d want to be with them whether or not they were “The One.”

4. Don’t skip the romantic conversation!

It should go without saying that if you aren’t comfortable discussing your sexual health with your partner—including STD testing, history, etc.—you aren’t ready to be intimate (or perhaps they aren’t someone you should be intimate with). While listening to their opinions without passing judgement, discuss your preferences, dislikes, and comfort areas. Oh, and keep in mind that each couple has a distinct idea of when it is “appropriate” to get intimate (forget the “three-date rule” and all other recommendations that are silly) and that it is not enough for just one partner to feel ready.

5. Get to know one another’s friends.

You might be inclined to keep the relationship to yourself as it is still young. But making friends right away is essential. Your interactions with each other’s crew might reveal a lot about your partner and the nature of your relationship. You might not know your partner as well as you think you do, for instance, if all of their buddies are major guys with whom you would never get along. 

The presence of your new partner among your pals can also reveal any potential warning signs. Your partner may get along with them better than you had hoped, or you may see something in your buddies that they do not. You can build a mutual friend if you get along well with each other’s circle of friends. In this case, you won’t have to decide between hanging out with each other and your pals.

6. Keep in mind that actions speak louder than words.

Labels are one topic about which everyone has a different viewpoint, but ultimately, you should be aware of how people feel about you. Whether they don’t consistently make plans, treat you with respect, and demonstrate their affection for you, it doesn’t matter if they say they’ll take you on vacation or introduce you to their parents (instead of just telling you). To avoid confusion, pay attention to what they are doing rather than what they say. Confusion arises when actions don’t correspond to words. You won’t be perplexed if they genuinely care about you.

7. Relationships are 100/100, not 50/50.

The best relationship advice I’ve ever heard emphasises that relationships aren’t about making compromises or trying to get your way. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot simply provide what you believe to be your fair share. Give everything you have to a relationship to make it joyful, prosperous, and lasting. Of course, disagreements may occur (and the longer you are together, the more they will), but you both need to be fully committed to the relationship. Relationship obligations cannot be divided like a check on a dinner date.